Button It

I can often say the wrong thing. I can also say things in the wrong way. It has lead to me to lay awake at night panicking about how many lives I've ruined because of my tone of voice, or sob uncontrollably for all the friends I've lost in one day because of my poor choice of words.


 At the same time I can also read WAY too much into what other people have said or how they said it. I can get fixated on trying to work out if they meant anything different, but most of the time I'm really trying to figure out if they hate me or not. Even just a look can send me into a spin of doubt and insecurity.
Most of the time I can get a grip and realize that I do still have friends, and no one is really about to put a brick through my window because I may have said the wrong thing.

 I have discovered, that on the occasions where I have spoken to people I think I've mortally offended, most of the time they don't even know what I'm talking about. I can remember one time where I was actually laughed at for being so apologetic!

I'm using the present tense, but thankfully I should be using the past tense. Since I heard something a couple of years ago, these extreme reactions have calmed to say the least!

 Here's that thing:
 I was listening to somebody tell a story of how someone they knew called to explain what they meant in an earlier conversation and to make sure they hadn't caused offence. Quite a nice thing to do I thought, until the person telling the story said something like " My life doesn't revolve around them and their life doesn't revolve around me. So why should they need to explain themselves to me and why should I need to be apologized to?"
 Interesting. I thought about it, and while at first (because of my naturally apologetic dispostion) it seemed a little brutal, I liked it. It makes sense to me.

I also know a lovely lady who absolutely refuses to be offended because she doesn't see the point, and in the same instance doesn't worry about offending. She isn't rude, she is loved, respected and has plenty of friends.

 I'm not saying that I should be rude to people intentionally, or not expect people to confront me if I have been rude. But the story I heard definitely changed the way I saw things.

Why should I worry about someone's tone of voice so much that it affects me physically? If they really have a problem I'll soon know anyway, and if I do find myself feeling offended...should I really be? If I am then I can mention it and move on- still being able to sleep and not worry about what a horrible person I must be. And also, why should I automatically think that other people care so much about what I say? It's a little big headed really.

Saying all of this though, I am still a person, and I still say the wrong thing and wonder why I let it come out of my mouth.
Sometimes I really should just button it.