Can I just say

 It isn't really the British way to burden others with our feelings. Yes, we all have a moan and we might complain openly to people. But to the select few we trust, we may occasionally honour them with our genuine problems or heart-deep worries. And yes, I do think it is an honour to be let in to someone's world of fear of difficulty.

 I'm a standard English example of idle whinging, yet opting for total emotional privacy to the point of accepting lack of sleep over sharing my feelings.

But today is a different day, and the end of a different week, at the end of a different month...life is a bit hard. I'm not going to go into the fine details of my life (the day isn't that different) but I felt the urge to break my own little mold, and to put out there the fact that there are some struggles in my and my husband's life. Not our daughter's of course...life rocks when you're two!

I have a select few people, well two actually, who know why I might cry, or why I may want to throw things across the room. That's enough for me.
 I have been welcomed into other people's select few only recently, simply by being honest and putting my pride aside and talking a little more openly. And in doing so, have realised that it's not just me having difficulty!
 I'm always ready to listen to people, I'm good at being there for people, and I can be discreet. I've not really given others much credit for being able to do the same for me, mainly because I haven't given them the chance to do those things very often.
 I now know that I need good people. If I didn't have them around me, I would honestly end up with mental health issues. The past weeks/ months may have caused destruction if it wasn't for good people in my life. The best are the ones that don't even need to be told that times are tricky.

The point of this post is unclear to me, it was just kind of cyber therapy I suppose. But, as well as being brilliant people, we can also be a little hurtful.

While we can't all be the best of friends, we can at least be sincere in our 'how are you?' and 'have you had a good day?' and give the person we are asking some respect by hoping for an honest response.

As for life, well it will get better, and our big problems will become small ones, then disappear. In the mean time I'm off for a cup of tea.

Button It

I can often say the wrong thing. I can also say things in the wrong way. It has lead to me to lay awake at night panicking about how many lives I've ruined because of my tone of voice, or sob uncontrollably for all the friends I've lost in one day because of my poor choice of words.


 At the same time I can also read WAY too much into what other people have said or how they said it. I can get fixated on trying to work out if they meant anything different, but most of the time I'm really trying to figure out if they hate me or not. Even just a look can send me into a spin of doubt and insecurity.
Most of the time I can get a grip and realize that I do still have friends, and no one is really about to put a brick through my window because I may have said the wrong thing.

 I have discovered, that on the occasions where I have spoken to people I think I've mortally offended, most of the time they don't even know what I'm talking about. I can remember one time where I was actually laughed at for being so apologetic!

I'm using the present tense, but thankfully I should be using the past tense. Since I heard something a couple of years ago, these extreme reactions have calmed to say the least!

 Here's that thing:
 I was listening to somebody tell a story of how someone they knew called to explain what they meant in an earlier conversation and to make sure they hadn't caused offence. Quite a nice thing to do I thought, until the person telling the story said something like " My life doesn't revolve around them and their life doesn't revolve around me. So why should they need to explain themselves to me and why should I need to be apologized to?"
 Interesting. I thought about it, and while at first (because of my naturally apologetic dispostion) it seemed a little brutal, I liked it. It makes sense to me.

I also know a lovely lady who absolutely refuses to be offended because she doesn't see the point, and in the same instance doesn't worry about offending. She isn't rude, she is loved, respected and has plenty of friends.

 I'm not saying that I should be rude to people intentionally, or not expect people to confront me if I have been rude. But the story I heard definitely changed the way I saw things.

Why should I worry about someone's tone of voice so much that it affects me physically? If they really have a problem I'll soon know anyway, and if I do find myself feeling offended...should I really be? If I am then I can mention it and move on- still being able to sleep and not worry about what a horrible person I must be. And also, why should I automatically think that other people care so much about what I say? It's a little big headed really.

Saying all of this though, I am still a person, and I still say the wrong thing and wonder why I let it come out of my mouth.
Sometimes I really should just button it.