Bridesmaid!!!!

 I recently visited my family, back in the town I was born and raised in. It was lovely. Made even lovelier by my cousin asking me to be her Maid of Honour!
 I am super excited!

I was handed a scroll and this is what it said:

On July 4th 2012 Darren proposed to me.  My first thought after saying yes was- I need to ring you.


As you well know, a girl's wedding day is the most important day of her life and there's a lot of help,preparation and honest opinion that is needed to make it perfect.


I couldn't think of anyone else that I would rather have leading me and helping me with this than you.  Darren and I would love it if you could be our Maid of honour!


Therefore keep Saturday 26th October free because you will need to help, encourage, order, and probably give me a good slap! I am so excited about sharing this day with you!


Lots of Love


My cousin is wonderful. I have a brother and sister who I love, and my cousin is like a surrogate sister to me who I also love. Our teenage years have been strangely similar, and although there are 6 years between us we are wonderfully close and very good friends.

 I have been a bridesmaid before, but when I was much younger, but I don't really remember the whole of the day for any of those occasions. Of course I enjoyed being a little maid, but a big one...I can't wait.
Already, I'm thinking of hen party planning, secret surprises, and how much time I can book off work to go down and help with the preparations. There's nothing I like more than getting stuck into a really fun project and Project:Maid has now commenced.
It's going to be brilliant!

The best bit- she gets to marry the man of her dreams who I can't wait to call my cousin/surrogate brother...amazing!!

She read it, she blogged about it.

This morning I finished reading The Time Traveler's wife. My friend lent it to me a few weeks back.  She knew I would like it so told me to stick at it as it was a bit 'all over the place' in the beginning.
 I am aware that I'm probably the last person in the world to read this book, but I did love it and wanted to write about it anyway.
 I will not go into detail with the ins and outs because its intricate to say the least, but I felt the need to write about one of the main themes and how it made me feel.

I don't like surprises. I had been forewarned that the book was 'a weeper' and kept asking people what happens. Call me ridiculous, but I like to know what is coming so I can prepare myself. I read the last page of books first of all, I don't know why but it's just one of those things and I'm ok with it!

So, I know that a character dies. I am prepared for this and last night when I came to that moment in the book, I was pleased that I knew about it. It was very moving, and as with every great book...it was very real. Although the clue in title suggests a subject that is not real at all, the novel grabs you and doesn't let you go from it's extreme yet moving grip.


Death comes near the end, and as with every romantic story, it leaves a grieving loved one in it's wake. When I was getting nearer to that point, I was tempted to stop reading. I knew the character died and I had read the last page so could fill in the blanks myself. I have recently realised that I don't want to knowingly put myself in situations that will affect my mood, or make me nervous or sad.

For example: I refused to watch England play penalties against Italy in the recent European Championships.
After watching one day, I don't want to see it again.
When it comes to match point in a Murray Wimbledon match, or a final lap in a Mo Farah race , I like a distraction.

I don't see the point in letting myself get worked up. You might think that I'm far too sensitive and ridiculous for needing a distraction, and that may well be that case. But never the less, things affect me and I neither like it or welcome it, and therefore do something about it.

So, death arrives and I didn't cry. Phew! I got a little nervous and wondered if this would be another situation that takes hold of my thoughts, and plays on my mind for hours and hours (the biggest culprit so far is the film Sweet November) But it didn't cry. I did have the urge to keep reading though and I finally finished the book this morning.

I certainly would recommend the book, it is beautiful and very very clever, but I'm not sure there is anyone left to recommend it to!
 However, having watched one day in the last few weeks, having just finished this book, and of course, having watched so many other films that have made me cry, I have only recently wondered why death is portrayed as romantic. It certainly isn't in real life and I'm a little disturbed that my (well, not just my) emotions are used for cinematic and literary success. I do know that's absolutely the whole point of a good movie or book, but I've found out (a little late) that I don't like feeling upset by something that isn't real...hence the consideration of stopping reading.  


 The penalties were real, and I chose not to watch them, I get so tense and I don't really know why because I'm not even a real football fan! (any character analysts out there...enlighten me!)


My point is probably a reflection of my insecurities regarding emotional vulnerability, or something equally deep and in need of 'talking about'. After all, everyone likes a good cry. And what's the big deal with crying anyway?  Nothing, I do it a lot. 
But I don't want to choose to put myself in front of a film or book that I know will make me sad and wish it had turned out differently. Or wonder how I would cope if that happened to me. Tragedy is not sentimental or glamorous and I am afraid that that is how it is dressed up in such story lines. 


I am not meaning to get on a soap box, or rage about being moved by good films and books. No, I don't deny their quality at all, but I am kind of choosing to deny them the privilege of breaking my heart.


After all, it is just a book.

Grow up?

So, I return!

 It has been a while since I blogged, but I have been thinking about the following topic for sometime, and have finally got round to sharing it.

We have a very chatty daughter. Whenever we go out, you can guarantee that you will hear her shouting 'hello' to anyone who walks towards us and, 'bye' to anyone we walk past. Ignore my little one and your peril, because if anyone does ignore her she will shout and shout until her friendliness is acknowledged. I do love it.

 She has always been very sociable and not easily intimidated. For instance, we were at a wedding last year, and as people were on the dance floor, our little girl found a guy who she wanted to dance with. You could forgive a child for feeling a little put off by this chap (who I'm certain is lovely), he was fairly stocky, with thick dark hair and a dark beard. He was holding a pint and was generally looking very rugged and butch. Our little one walked up to him and wanted to hold his hands and dance with him. At that moment he could only offer her one hand...not good enough for my offspring! In her own way, she requested his second hand, and reduced this poor chap (a total stranger to us) to putting down his beer and dancing with her.

 I find myself feeling proud of this unique little characteristic. As we walk past people and I see a man or lady smile at her as she waves and says hello. I love seeing their expressions change as they encounter a two year old little girl. Naturally, as we walk somewhere on our own, we don't wear a permanent smile on our faces, and sometimes people can look a little unapproachable. But seeing those people smile at my babe, makes me feel very happy.

 I then wondered if a smile can change someone's day or mood. Or if a simple and innocent 'hello' from a child could be effective to cheering anybody up. If it can then, could a simple 'hello' from an adult affect anybody in a similar way? The chances are we won't really know, but it's no big deal to smile, so even if it has no effect- What have we lost?

 What have we lost, between that dis-inhibited age of happily smiling at strangers, and the suspicious age of thinking that smiling at strangers isn't right?

 I don't know. It's probably lots of things starting at 'stranger danger' and ending at all sorts! I'm aware that people can sometimes turn out not to be very nice, and agree that there should be caution taken regarding children and strangers. But I think the majority of people in this world are 'normal' and pleasant people. I realise that this contradicts my previous blog 'Doctor Doctor!' a little, because I am the most suspicious and not-happy-to-chat-to-strangers person I know!

But my little girl has changed something recently, and I have enjoyed laughing with strangers as my little one waves and shouts greetings at them.

 I'm not sure that it's entirely appropriate for me to shout at people in the street, but really, what would be wrong with smiling more at people?

 My two year old has unknowingly inspired me to be more like her. I will do my best to find the balance between instilling caution regarding strangers as she grows up, and encouraging her to remain outgoing, confident and friendly.

 As for me, maybe I could grow down a little.