Hey Mumma!

Today was my third mother's day. My daughter made me a lovely card with her childminder. She was told to give me a kiss by her dad, and apart from the offer of cooking dinner from Mr Red Door ( ha ha ha ha!), the day was not much different from any other day.  Except for one teeny tiny thing...

...Today I was watching my little girl trying to play with two children that were a bit older than her. They could run faster and climb quicker, and my babe ran behind trying to keep up and join in. She didn't get noticed, and in a very short moment I could feel my eyes well up and my heart race at the thought of my little girl being ignored and left behind. The other children were not being horrible or ignoring her at all, they just didn't see her. But what if anybody did EVER choose to leave my little girl behind? This thought made me want to cry..a lot! I don't sound like a very happy mummy do I? I promise I am.
Being a mum does make me more than happy, and it brings me more joy and contentment than I can begin to explain, but with that happiness does come a heavier feeling of fierce protection.

It was only last night that I was having a conversation with my closest friend about being a mother. We shared similar feelings about the intensity of the love we have for our children. And how when it comes to protecting them... it's primal.
 My friend can be very quiet and calm. She's certainly not one of life's 'gobby' girls, but we know that she could turn into the Hulk without problem if her boys needed her protection.

 I always knew that protective feeling was there from the day she was born, but today somehow reinforced it, and gave me little glimpse into the monster I would be if anybody hurt my baby. I feel like my mum-o-meter has gone up a few notches in the 'feisty' direction. And that's only at the thought of anyone being horrible...no one actually has been yet!

 I'm not foolish enough to think that she won't ever be teased (or indeed do the teasing) or fall out with people as she gets bigger and learns more.  But while she is still just a baby, she has mummy and daddy to make sure that this growing up game is played fair.

My little girl is my finest creation and will be forever and ever. I can't ever be sorry for knowing that my love for her will always win should it come up against anything else.

I have been given the opportunity to love somebody in a way I didn't know was possible.

Now that is something to be Happy Mother's Day about.

Steer clear Germaine Greer!

 The sun is shining. I have the day off work with my little girl. I have cleaned the house, and when my sleeping babe wakes, we will go for a walk and then bake.
 Cleaning the house today got me thinking. I have been known to get a little crabby about housework, and have not seen why it should be my job to look after the house. Especially when I work and have to cook and wash for 3 people daily. Why shouldn't my husband offer to do his fair share?
 Well,1) He does, I'm just a fussy nag.
         2) He works full time, I work part time.
         3) He is a man, and doesn't see mess and dirt the same way I do. And so doesn't understand why I'm asking him to do certain things.
 And more importantly...
          4) I now think that it actually is my job.

I'm absolutely not a feminist. Without getting too political, I'm more of a- women are the fairer sex kinda gal.  I'm not an independent or feisty, suffragette sort of woman.
I'm a mother and a wife who likes to stay at home and look after her family and home. But here's the thing....I'm just going to put it out there...I don't have a problem with my husband expecting me to do so.

Hold the phone!!

I'm not saying everyone must agree. But I do think nesting/home making comes naturally to women, even if they don't ever do it. A woman just knows how to make something look a little bit nicer. A woman has watched her mum iron, hang out washing, make a lasagne, or beat the rugs (!) in a particular way for all her life. So things that aren't naturally built in are soon learned, probably without realizing.

I am much better at cleaning and tidying than my husband. I'm certainly a much better cook! But as much as I might like the idea of sitting with a cup of tea while he cleans and cooks, I know that he wouldn't have the chance because, I'd be right behind the poor man correcting him! I can't relax while somebody other than me is doing a chore while I'm in the house. If I ask my husband to load the dishwasher, I can't sit, I have to do a job too. It doesn't feel right to let somebody do what should be my (sometimes boring and grotty) job.

 Some ladies might think I'm old fashioned, and I totally am! I'm very happy with the housework being down to me. I know I can make a clean and tidy home for my family to enjoy and relax in. There is something about lasting mess in my house that makes things seem a little tense and loud somehow. So, if my house looks nice, I feel better and my family are happy. And, occasionally my husband will even give me kiss and thank me for working hard to make his home lovely, which is always a nice little surprise!

Stitch stitch stitch.

During our television ban, I needed something to help fill my evenings.  My lovely friend taught me how to knit one night and I rather like it.  My work is a little scruffy but it's good fun. I refuse to start with the obligatory scarf though, so I'm knitting little pieces and will sew them together to make a blanket.
 However, It will possibly be the scruffiest blanket ever made- I drop the odd stitch here and there and forget what stitch I'm meant to be doing next, but I'm sure it will come together and function perfectly well (Hopefully).

 I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
 A little daunting seeing as I've suddenly realized that in no time at all... I have grown up! I've told you that I would like to be a baker, but the truth is there are lots of things I would like to do and there always has been. It started when I was about 6 and I wanted to be a news reader. I then went through the police officer and doctor phase. Soon followed was being a teacher, interior designer and actress. If you can see a theme, you may know me better than I do!

The way my life worked out meant that I left college at 17 and started full time work. I won't say that I'm sad about that because if it was different I wouldn't have my cheeky little family, but there is a slight career shaped hole in me that doesn't seem to be going.

 Am I meant to be a full time mummy? Am I meant to stay and be content in my current job? (Which I do love, but am quite sure I don't see myself being there forever).  Am I meant to be brave and pursue the number one career choice that hasn't left me since I was 16?

I don't know.

But I think that's ok. I don't think there is anything wrong with getting to school leaving age and feeling a little lost. When I was 16, I thought that I was all grown up and able to make big decisions. Wrong! I was a baby and had not a hint of the direction I wanted to take my life in.

Since then my life has been like a long knit-a-thon. It's looked like it's going smoothly in one stitch, but I've then got stuck or had changes to deal with that meant my stitch changed abruptly and made things seem a bit of a mess. I've made bad decisions and consequently dropped a stitch and created a hole that will probably always be there. Thankfully, I'm not the knitter of my life though.  I'm just the wool, and any holes that I make don't actually mean that things are ruined.

 My little knitted pieces will be a bit messy, they will have mistakes in, and will generally be far from perfect. But I'll carry on and enjoy doing the best I can to make something lovely.

 As for my career...maybe time to be brave.