Dear Beloved

I often hear a man we know say that it's far more butch for a man to get a grip and tell his wife that he loves her, than for him to think it's more manly to remain gruff and at a distance from his feelings.

I am married to butch man.

My Mr Butch tells me often that he loves me, and his wonderful ways back up those three big words pretty much all the time.

I was wondering...am I 'below par' when it comes to expressing more than a quick 'love you' at the end of a telephone call? Probably.

 I love my husband more now than I ever have! He knows I love him but he probably doesn't know the finer details. The secret little thoughts that pop in to my head that never get voiced, partly because there are so many. Partly because he isn't always with me, and partly because I've spent most of my life avoiding talking about my feelings! To be honest, I dislike it...very much.
 It's not naturally part of my personality to engage willingly in such conversations, and over time I've become a little intolerant of overly emotional people. But, if it's argued that men should be able to talk to their wives in a way that affirms them, and makes them feel secure. Why shouldn't wives? We cook and clean and raise children and need the occasional cuddle, but I for one do not actually say enough.

I know blogging isn't the same as speaking, but this post means that- if it wants to, the world can know how much my husband means to me. Also, typing feelings is a big step for the girl who has often chosen awkward silences over clearing the air with a 'feelings' chat!

 I reckon it's time for me to woman up...

Mr M,

His talent amazes me. I'm constantly surprised by his knowledge and abilities. I'm so proud of what he has achieved.
I love hearing him play a guitar solo!
I spent a long time waiting for him to notice me, and so often I still feel like that giddy 13 year old that lets face it, went totally mental with excitement when ever he looked at me.
I don't know that anyone will know his kindness and patience more than me. (Maybe our daughter when she gets to that stage!)
His graciousness surpasses that of anyone I've ever met.
His dignity and integrity are beautifully woven in with a cracking sense of humour. I even love his crappy jokes!
Pride is not an issue with him. I'm really the wrong side of proud, and his ability to let things go and not take himself to seriously is incredible for me to see.
He's the most gorgeous man I have ever seen, and he more than lives up to his title of Father and Husband.
Just by being himself he has given my character a spring clean and I hope I can be more like him.

Some thoughts on my husband.  I'm not entirely confident I deserve such a man.

A case of correct identity

We completed the Bellbin Team Role Assessment at work last week. As well as a Personal Communication questionnaire.
 I love doing that kind of thing, so when my team leader gave us all the results, I was almost giddy with interest/excitement. I was last to find out what role I naturally take in a team. I sat and listened to everyone else's descriptions, and for the most part was amazed at the accuracy. We all laughed at what we were being labelled as. Titles such as- Plant, Co-ordinator, and Shaper were dished out, qualified astonishingly well, and accompanied by a few blushes, some laughs and a lot of head nodding!

My turn...
 I am a Completer Finisher.

Characteristics
 They have a great capacity for follow-through and attention to detail. They are unlikely to start anything that they can't finish. They are motivated by internal anxiety, yet outwardly, they may appear unruffled.  Typically, they are introverted and require little in the way of external stimulus or incentive.  They can be intolerant of those with a casual disposition. They are not often keen on delegating, preferring to tackle all tasks themselves.



My communication style is- Quietly Confident.
 Helpful traits- Seen as emotionally stable
                     Tower of strength             (???!!!)
                     Used as a sounding board
                     Confidential


Unhelpful traits- Can be seen as aloof
                        Takes too much on
                        Risk of burnout
                        Can be too self critical



I did the questions with my husband and he came out as a Specialist.
 They are dedicated individuals who pride themselves on acquiring technical skills and specialised knowledge.  
Their priorities centre on maintaining professional standards and on furthering and defending their own field.(If one line summed up my husband...this could well be it!)  
While they show great pride in their own subject, they usually lack interest in other people's.  Eventually they become an expert by sheer commitment along a narrow front.  There are few people who have either the single-mindedness or the aptitude to become a first-class specialist.

We work very differently and although these things aren't ever definitive, it was really helpful to see each others styles, and understand how we tick.

I mentioned the unhelpful things, but I still love them in a strange way. These 'results' helped me understand myself a bit better, and even though I actually can seem 'aloof', I'm always just me which I'm happy with.