Say what!

My husband told me a story a while ago. It involved him, and it went like this:

 He went into his beloved music shop, as he regularly does. He went in to pick up his guitars from being 'set up' (I still am not fluent in the language of Guitar, so I don't know what that means). He has got quite friendly with the owners and staff since having a bad experience at a different local music shop. This other shop made a very very poor job of fixing is guitar, so poor that it was in fact made worse! Whats more, the staff were not ever so friendly and my husband was left with a bodged guitar and a refund as a small consolation. We didn't know at the time, but they have a reputation for rubbish workmanship.

 The new shop are much MOR (MUSIC) friendly and competent at dealing with people and their instruments, and on his recent trip in the owner called my husband aside to sow him something.
 The son of the man who runs the other shop had written on Facebook about my husband. He included  Mr Morgans full name in his little rant and while slating him, concluded with "some people are just born C****!"

I was not happy! I couldn't believe that someone could be so rude about someone, they don't even know, when they were the ones that made a terrible job of fixing a guitar...something they are meant to be totally capable in.
This obvious lack of maturity and professionalism got to me, but husband found it amusingly pathetic, and is not bothered in the slightest. I am not so relaxed about it.

The lovely man in MOR MUSIC (www.mormusic.co.uk based in Fossgate, York) wanted to wait until he knew my husband well enough before he showed him this ridiculous display of boyish behaviour, to be sure he wouldn't be offended. And may I just add, this chap has to regularly keep an eye on Facebook, because it's usually his store that is getting slated, not his customers!

This is not a case of a husband needing his wife to fight his battles. This is a raging woman who thinks that kind of behaviour is ridiculous. My aim is not to protect my husband here, it's to write about such shocking behaviour, and come to think if it... abuse!

 I am unsure whether it is right to name the baddies in this story, or if it's stooping to their level, but I think I will. Seeing as I'm pretty sure only about 5 people will see this post anyway! And, it really has made me cross.

So, the shop is called Red Cow Music and the badly behaved so-called 'man' in question is called Miles.

Miles, get a grip.

Bridesmaid!!!!

 I recently visited my family, back in the town I was born and raised in. It was lovely. Made even lovelier by my cousin asking me to be her Maid of Honour!
 I am super excited!

I was handed a scroll and this is what it said:

On July 4th 2012 Darren proposed to me.  My first thought after saying yes was- I need to ring you.


As you well know, a girl's wedding day is the most important day of her life and there's a lot of help,preparation and honest opinion that is needed to make it perfect.


I couldn't think of anyone else that I would rather have leading me and helping me with this than you.  Darren and I would love it if you could be our Maid of honour!


Therefore keep Saturday 26th October free because you will need to help, encourage, order, and probably give me a good slap! I am so excited about sharing this day with you!


Lots of Love


My cousin is wonderful. I have a brother and sister who I love, and my cousin is like a surrogate sister to me who I also love. Our teenage years have been strangely similar, and although there are 6 years between us we are wonderfully close and very good friends.

 I have been a bridesmaid before, but when I was much younger, but I don't really remember the whole of the day for any of those occasions. Of course I enjoyed being a little maid, but a big one...I can't wait.
Already, I'm thinking of hen party planning, secret surprises, and how much time I can book off work to go down and help with the preparations. There's nothing I like more than getting stuck into a really fun project and Project:Maid has now commenced.
It's going to be brilliant!

The best bit- she gets to marry the man of her dreams who I can't wait to call my cousin/surrogate brother...amazing!!

She read it, she blogged about it.

This morning I finished reading The Time Traveler's wife. My friend lent it to me a few weeks back.  She knew I would like it so told me to stick at it as it was a bit 'all over the place' in the beginning.
 I am aware that I'm probably the last person in the world to read this book, but I did love it and wanted to write about it anyway.
 I will not go into detail with the ins and outs because its intricate to say the least, but I felt the need to write about one of the main themes and how it made me feel.

I don't like surprises. I had been forewarned that the book was 'a weeper' and kept asking people what happens. Call me ridiculous, but I like to know what is coming so I can prepare myself. I read the last page of books first of all, I don't know why but it's just one of those things and I'm ok with it!

So, I know that a character dies. I am prepared for this and last night when I came to that moment in the book, I was pleased that I knew about it. It was very moving, and as with every great book...it was very real. Although the clue in title suggests a subject that is not real at all, the novel grabs you and doesn't let you go from it's extreme yet moving grip.


Death comes near the end, and as with every romantic story, it leaves a grieving loved one in it's wake. When I was getting nearer to that point, I was tempted to stop reading. I knew the character died and I had read the last page so could fill in the blanks myself. I have recently realised that I don't want to knowingly put myself in situations that will affect my mood, or make me nervous or sad.

For example: I refused to watch England play penalties against Italy in the recent European Championships.
After watching one day, I don't want to see it again.
When it comes to match point in a Murray Wimbledon match, or a final lap in a Mo Farah race , I like a distraction.

I don't see the point in letting myself get worked up. You might think that I'm far too sensitive and ridiculous for needing a distraction, and that may well be that case. But never the less, things affect me and I neither like it or welcome it, and therefore do something about it.

So, death arrives and I didn't cry. Phew! I got a little nervous and wondered if this would be another situation that takes hold of my thoughts, and plays on my mind for hours and hours (the biggest culprit so far is the film Sweet November) But it didn't cry. I did have the urge to keep reading though and I finally finished the book this morning.

I certainly would recommend the book, it is beautiful and very very clever, but I'm not sure there is anyone left to recommend it to!
 However, having watched one day in the last few weeks, having just finished this book, and of course, having watched so many other films that have made me cry, I have only recently wondered why death is portrayed as romantic. It certainly isn't in real life and I'm a little disturbed that my (well, not just my) emotions are used for cinematic and literary success. I do know that's absolutely the whole point of a good movie or book, but I've found out (a little late) that I don't like feeling upset by something that isn't real...hence the consideration of stopping reading.  


 The penalties were real, and I chose not to watch them, I get so tense and I don't really know why because I'm not even a real football fan! (any character analysts out there...enlighten me!)


My point is probably a reflection of my insecurities regarding emotional vulnerability, or something equally deep and in need of 'talking about'. After all, everyone likes a good cry. And what's the big deal with crying anyway?  Nothing, I do it a lot. 
But I don't want to choose to put myself in front of a film or book that I know will make me sad and wish it had turned out differently. Or wonder how I would cope if that happened to me. Tragedy is not sentimental or glamorous and I am afraid that that is how it is dressed up in such story lines. 


I am not meaning to get on a soap box, or rage about being moved by good films and books. No, I don't deny their quality at all, but I am kind of choosing to deny them the privilege of breaking my heart.


After all, it is just a book.

Grow up?

So, I return!

 It has been a while since I blogged, but I have been thinking about the following topic for sometime, and have finally got round to sharing it.

We have a very chatty daughter. Whenever we go out, you can guarantee that you will hear her shouting 'hello' to anyone who walks towards us and, 'bye' to anyone we walk past. Ignore my little one and your peril, because if anyone does ignore her she will shout and shout until her friendliness is acknowledged. I do love it.

 She has always been very sociable and not easily intimidated. For instance, we were at a wedding last year, and as people were on the dance floor, our little girl found a guy who she wanted to dance with. You could forgive a child for feeling a little put off by this chap (who I'm certain is lovely), he was fairly stocky, with thick dark hair and a dark beard. He was holding a pint and was generally looking very rugged and butch. Our little one walked up to him and wanted to hold his hands and dance with him. At that moment he could only offer her one hand...not good enough for my offspring! In her own way, she requested his second hand, and reduced this poor chap (a total stranger to us) to putting down his beer and dancing with her.

 I find myself feeling proud of this unique little characteristic. As we walk past people and I see a man or lady smile at her as she waves and says hello. I love seeing their expressions change as they encounter a two year old little girl. Naturally, as we walk somewhere on our own, we don't wear a permanent smile on our faces, and sometimes people can look a little unapproachable. But seeing those people smile at my babe, makes me feel very happy.

 I then wondered if a smile can change someone's day or mood. Or if a simple and innocent 'hello' from a child could be effective to cheering anybody up. If it can then, could a simple 'hello' from an adult affect anybody in a similar way? The chances are we won't really know, but it's no big deal to smile, so even if it has no effect- What have we lost?

 What have we lost, between that dis-inhibited age of happily smiling at strangers, and the suspicious age of thinking that smiling at strangers isn't right?

 I don't know. It's probably lots of things starting at 'stranger danger' and ending at all sorts! I'm aware that people can sometimes turn out not to be very nice, and agree that there should be caution taken regarding children and strangers. But I think the majority of people in this world are 'normal' and pleasant people. I realise that this contradicts my previous blog 'Doctor Doctor!' a little, because I am the most suspicious and not-happy-to-chat-to-strangers person I know!

But my little girl has changed something recently, and I have enjoyed laughing with strangers as my little one waves and shouts greetings at them.

 I'm not sure that it's entirely appropriate for me to shout at people in the street, but really, what would be wrong with smiling more at people?

 My two year old has unknowingly inspired me to be more like her. I will do my best to find the balance between instilling caution regarding strangers as she grows up, and encouraging her to remain outgoing, confident and friendly.

 As for me, maybe I could grow down a little.

Dear Beloved

I often hear a man we know say that it's far more butch for a man to get a grip and tell his wife that he loves her, than for him to think it's more manly to remain gruff and at a distance from his feelings.

I am married to butch man.

My Mr Butch tells me often that he loves me, and his wonderful ways back up those three big words pretty much all the time.

I was wondering...am I 'below par' when it comes to expressing more than a quick 'love you' at the end of a telephone call? Probably.

 I love my husband more now than I ever have! He knows I love him but he probably doesn't know the finer details. The secret little thoughts that pop in to my head that never get voiced, partly because there are so many. Partly because he isn't always with me, and partly because I've spent most of my life avoiding talking about my feelings! To be honest, I dislike it...very much.
 It's not naturally part of my personality to engage willingly in such conversations, and over time I've become a little intolerant of overly emotional people. But, if it's argued that men should be able to talk to their wives in a way that affirms them, and makes them feel secure. Why shouldn't wives? We cook and clean and raise children and need the occasional cuddle, but I for one do not actually say enough.

I know blogging isn't the same as speaking, but this post means that- if it wants to, the world can know how much my husband means to me. Also, typing feelings is a big step for the girl who has often chosen awkward silences over clearing the air with a 'feelings' chat!

 I reckon it's time for me to woman up...

Mr M,

His talent amazes me. I'm constantly surprised by his knowledge and abilities. I'm so proud of what he has achieved.
I love hearing him play a guitar solo!
I spent a long time waiting for him to notice me, and so often I still feel like that giddy 13 year old that lets face it, went totally mental with excitement when ever he looked at me.
I don't know that anyone will know his kindness and patience more than me. (Maybe our daughter when she gets to that stage!)
His graciousness surpasses that of anyone I've ever met.
His dignity and integrity are beautifully woven in with a cracking sense of humour. I even love his crappy jokes!
Pride is not an issue with him. I'm really the wrong side of proud, and his ability to let things go and not take himself to seriously is incredible for me to see.
He's the most gorgeous man I have ever seen, and he more than lives up to his title of Father and Husband.
Just by being himself he has given my character a spring clean and I hope I can be more like him.

Some thoughts on my husband.  I'm not entirely confident I deserve such a man.

A case of correct identity

We completed the Bellbin Team Role Assessment at work last week. As well as a Personal Communication questionnaire.
 I love doing that kind of thing, so when my team leader gave us all the results, I was almost giddy with interest/excitement. I was last to find out what role I naturally take in a team. I sat and listened to everyone else's descriptions, and for the most part was amazed at the accuracy. We all laughed at what we were being labelled as. Titles such as- Plant, Co-ordinator, and Shaper were dished out, qualified astonishingly well, and accompanied by a few blushes, some laughs and a lot of head nodding!

My turn...
 I am a Completer Finisher.

Characteristics
 They have a great capacity for follow-through and attention to detail. They are unlikely to start anything that they can't finish. They are motivated by internal anxiety, yet outwardly, they may appear unruffled.  Typically, they are introverted and require little in the way of external stimulus or incentive.  They can be intolerant of those with a casual disposition. They are not often keen on delegating, preferring to tackle all tasks themselves.



My communication style is- Quietly Confident.
 Helpful traits- Seen as emotionally stable
                     Tower of strength             (???!!!)
                     Used as a sounding board
                     Confidential


Unhelpful traits- Can be seen as aloof
                        Takes too much on
                        Risk of burnout
                        Can be too self critical



I did the questions with my husband and he came out as a Specialist.
 They are dedicated individuals who pride themselves on acquiring technical skills and specialised knowledge.  
Their priorities centre on maintaining professional standards and on furthering and defending their own field.(If one line summed up my husband...this could well be it!)  
While they show great pride in their own subject, they usually lack interest in other people's.  Eventually they become an expert by sheer commitment along a narrow front.  There are few people who have either the single-mindedness or the aptitude to become a first-class specialist.

We work very differently and although these things aren't ever definitive, it was really helpful to see each others styles, and understand how we tick.

I mentioned the unhelpful things, but I still love them in a strange way. These 'results' helped me understand myself a bit better, and even though I actually can seem 'aloof', I'm always just me which I'm happy with.

Can I just say

 It isn't really the British way to burden others with our feelings. Yes, we all have a moan and we might complain openly to people. But to the select few we trust, we may occasionally honour them with our genuine problems or heart-deep worries. And yes, I do think it is an honour to be let in to someone's world of fear of difficulty.

 I'm a standard English example of idle whinging, yet opting for total emotional privacy to the point of accepting lack of sleep over sharing my feelings.

But today is a different day, and the end of a different week, at the end of a different month...life is a bit hard. I'm not going to go into the fine details of my life (the day isn't that different) but I felt the urge to break my own little mold, and to put out there the fact that there are some struggles in my and my husband's life. Not our daughter's of course...life rocks when you're two!

I have a select few people, well two actually, who know why I might cry, or why I may want to throw things across the room. That's enough for me.
 I have been welcomed into other people's select few only recently, simply by being honest and putting my pride aside and talking a little more openly. And in doing so, have realised that it's not just me having difficulty!
 I'm always ready to listen to people, I'm good at being there for people, and I can be discreet. I've not really given others much credit for being able to do the same for me, mainly because I haven't given them the chance to do those things very often.
 I now know that I need good people. If I didn't have them around me, I would honestly end up with mental health issues. The past weeks/ months may have caused destruction if it wasn't for good people in my life. The best are the ones that don't even need to be told that times are tricky.

The point of this post is unclear to me, it was just kind of cyber therapy I suppose. But, as well as being brilliant people, we can also be a little hurtful.

While we can't all be the best of friends, we can at least be sincere in our 'how are you?' and 'have you had a good day?' and give the person we are asking some respect by hoping for an honest response.

As for life, well it will get better, and our big problems will become small ones, then disappear. In the mean time I'm off for a cup of tea.